Posts

is this PTSD?

 its annoying  getting reminded of my past i just want to move on from all of that i dont want anything to do with it anymore  everytime someone mentioned it the thoughts keep lingering in my mind is it okay if i cut my contacts away? just run away from my past? people say embrace your past fuck that shit i made a mistake in the past and i dont want to be reminded of it everyone's already over it but im not everytime my brain already forget about it something/someone gotta remind it is it too much to ask to not talk about it? i had a dream the worst possible nightmare that i could imagine  just remembering it makes me want to vomit my insides out i hate that view i dont want to be reminded of it just please let me go i had so many memories with them but i want to start a new life just because of one person i had to abandon a few dozens of my friends? the remorse, the condemnation, the guilt just straight up killing me slowly i think the healthiest way to face this is...
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Foundation till Degree Journey

      Hey, Its been a while. Its hard to find motivation these days. I feel like a total bum. I started making this blog at the start of my foundation and I'm already on my 13th week for my degree lmao. Alot has happened. I explored various of new stuff, went to new places and meet alot of people. I mean yea there's also hardships, but I got over it and just move on yk.      Lets start with the beginning of my foundation. The reason I started this blog are because of a girl in my highschool. She probably shaped me to who i am now. I don't mean it in a bad way. She's probably my first love even though i dated some other people before. But the relationship with her is different than others. Probably because we overstep a few lines but hey we were young and naive. We broke up right before we continuing out studies at different place. Its definitely my fault, i still feel the guilt eating me inside out till this day. During my first term of foundation, I was de...
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The Beginning Of Something Better (?)

 Hello This a new beginning for me I'll be writing blogs now I enjoy writing and expressing myself through letters I used to have someone to write to but they no longer here by my side but I'm okay with that maybe honestly before everything that happened, I despise writing because it is a hassle but as the time goes by I've come to a realization that I love it I can express myself better this way yes it is true sometimes I find it hard to search for a suitable words to express my feelings but this is what the blog about Realizing my Weakness and Find a way to improve  It is now 2024 Happy new year I gave up on updating about myself on social media now Why do people even keep updating and posting stories and posts about what's happening in their life? to flex? to make others jealous? to show their friends what they are doing? I don't get it maybe they just enjoy doing it I used to enjoy it but after meeting a lot of people, I know they don't give a single fuck ab...
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