is this PTSD?

 its annoying 

getting reminded of my past

i just want to move on from all of that

i dont want anything to do with it anymore 

everytime someone mentioned it

the thoughts keep lingering in my mind

is it okay if i cut my contacts away?

just run away from my past?

people say embrace your past

fuck that shit

i made a mistake in the past and i dont want to be reminded of it

everyone's already over it

but im not

everytime my brain already forget about it

something/someone gotta remind it

is it too much to ask to not talk about it?

i had a dream

the worst possible nightmare that i could imagine 

just remembering it makes me want to vomit my insides out

i hate that view

i dont want to be reminded of it

just please let me go

i had so many memories with them

but i want to start a new life

just because of one person i had to abandon a few dozens of my friends?

the remorse, the condemnation, the guilt just straight up killing me slowly

i think the healthiest way to face this is to just cut them off

stay off the social medias

i dont need to know what they're up to

i dont need to be reminded of them again

these thoughts is haunting me and i have to do something about it 

i cant describe the feeling other than scared and anxious 

i didn't do anything wrong 

they never try to understand it from my perspective 

they never try to understand it from MY point of view 

THEY JUST DONT UNDERSTAND 

abandoning them is the right thing to do

i got a bunch of new friends to start over

so this is my goodbye to my past

i will change

im fine being alone

im fine buried in my comfort zone 

im fine to not get out of it

writing does helps if i have any problem

thanks

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